Tuesday, February 01, 2022

Let God and Psychologist Help You Be Healed

A random guy in instagram, direct messaged me, how he was inspired by my writing and helped him clarify his mind. I was touched and never think how my writing was able to move him. I admitted, some of my writings were about my contemplation about life, how I experienced it, what I could learn from it, and found the wisdom behind it that it was firstly intended solely for the sake of my self in order for me to feel relieved, to keep insane, after all the nightmares and heavy rains. 

Anyway, let me tell you a story about my life, that I hope if you are in the same situation with me, you can heal faster than me. 

Almost 2 years ago, a beautiful garden with full of colorful butterflies I dreamt didn't come true. In reverse, I was in the middle of the mud then brought to the sea, and a giant wave stroke me. It hit me hard into pieces. I felt numb and hard to breath. 

Seriously, literally having difficulties to breath for almost a year not because of COVID19 but due to my mental health problem. I never been in that nightmare situation everyday. I have talked to my close friends frequently but still I could not find the exit. At the time when my mental and physical health worsen and I could not resist it anymore, I sought help from Psychologist, then it worked. She helped me find the way with her different perspective.

It happened as for twenties years I hung my happiness on someone else. At the time when the person betrayed me, I felt like losing my one leg, made me disabled to live by the imbalance resulted. As well as, losing the motivation to live and started questioning why I live. I didn't have the purpose to live any more. 

But life kept going, I lived for year with this mental disorder. Never felt calm, always insecure, and having trust issue on someone else. The Psychologist helped me found the way. She taught me to accept what just happened, thought it was like a hell, she acknowledged my insecurity and normalized my choice by not forcing me to forgive when everybody forced me to do so, as she was on the same boat with me that his sin was not something that could be easily forgiven, and was okay to take times as she understood how I was not ready yet. 

However, she believed, by the time, I will be healed, and will no longer hate him. That will be the time for me to forgive him. In addition, she also normalized if the relationship might not be the same. It always happen as a result of a conflict, she said. So it is okay, if I might not talk as much as usual. Because, the memories stayed, and it was so hurting. 

As she expected, the time healed me. I felt no hurts any more and I could face him with no hate. But still, something had changed between us, I started to talk again, but could not be the same as in the past when I talked about everything. Now, I talk to him necessarily. I gained peace. I have my own life so does he. 

Anyway, during my journey to be healed. God also involved. In some ways, I was reminded about the concept of life. The purpose of life is simply to do worship to God, not to be rich or not to be acknowledged by the people. Moreover, before the creation of human, every soul has promised to God, and acknowledged Allah is the only one Almighty God. So when the soul was infiltrated in human body during the birth, basically the soul was just being deposited to other souls that we call parent. Even though we have the same blood, but in the end of the day, we are soul that bears our own deed, roughly, we do not have relation each other.

Thus, let everyone does what they wish. If in an occasion someone does harm to us, let them do, and as the one who was hurt, just keep in mind that life is only about you, not about others, so don't feel broken, it is okay to sad but don't too deep and just leave it to God, let Him do His role to remind His human. Our role as the soul in human body is to just focus in doing worship and to do good deeds until we meet God after the end of the day. 

If I have that mind earlier, I might not need to spend a year to be healed. Yet, I understand, that what I experienced are some of the scenes of my life that I will never forget and hope to be a lesson learned to be shared. 

When you feel your mental health disturbed, quickly seek for help from Psychologist and also involve God in every decision. By doing that, I hope you be healed faster and have a good life. 


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