Sunday, April 16, 2023

To be a burden for once...

Hmmm, counting the days, it's Eid Fitr when family gathers. I haven't experienced this uneasy feeling before. I couldn't concentrate, my mind is somewhere ahead, looking for a clear vision what to do on D-day. 

Why did the congested feeling appear at the time when I haven't finished my work yet? This is so troublesome. Should I resolve it now, or postpone it after works? When I chose to postpone, I doubt I could finish the work as my mind is destroyed with anxiety.

But to resolve it now, I don't know how to. Those choices looked inconvenient. My third brother offered me to be with his family. To which family I should join, those make me uncomfortable. A fear of being a burden for them. 

If no family to join, then what will you do? Even being by myself also feels difficult. I never imagine, the used to be my happiest day with family becomes this tough for now. 

Mom, do you know you were the adhesive that united us? Without you, even no single day we had iftar together. Even I hesitate if we could gather at the same time on the first day. Our family has been broken down into pieces by the damn witch. 

Should I just be with you Mom... As if it is possible. 

Hmmm, I guess, I should choose one and to be a burden for once. No choice. 

Posted on by Nurul Fajry Maulida | No comments


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